BY BRIANA BARTENIEFF |
1, 2, 3, 4
Those are the number of ridges on my keys that I count as I rub my sweaty fingertip on as I walk home
It stings and becomes raw and distracts me from the nightmare
1, 2, 3, 4
Breathe
In and out
Breathe in
1, 2, 3, 4
And release
It’s going to be okay
You will make it home today
You’re only 14
But old enough to be a target
Because you’re a pretty girl
And ugly things happen to pretty girls like you
1, 2, 3, 4
The amount of steps I have taken on this block
The lights seem to blur as my heart rate escalates
The pressure builds up as all violent possibilities build up in my head
I am alone
On this dark and lonely street
But the mind and the news tell me different
A new victim each day
Why not me
Who’s to say
Whispers tell me to look back because you got a bright future ahead of you
I jump as I see a dark figure
But, go figure, it’s only my shadow
My life choices begin to flash in my eyes questioning every small detail
Wondering what I didn’t do right
What am I wearing
Do I have my ID, so they can let my mom know
Even though I am so close to home
Is it my fault that I act this way
Or is it my culture’s
Taught since the age of three to stay away from creepy men
And at the age of 6 to defend with my hands and a set of keys
As I approach the building I always chuckle at the irony if I got hurt walking into a place, that
should be the one place that should be safe
So close, yet not close enough
1, 2, 3, 4
I count as I walk up the stairs
1, 2 ,3, 4
4 steps distance between my drunk neighbor and me
You never know what can happen in these clothes
That I have no choice but to wear, because that is my uniform for school
The things I wear to school are deemed “problematic,” because grown men have sexualized an aspect of my childhood education
You always hear of the tiny plaid skirts
But never of the tight khaki pants
What a funny world we live in Eh?
As I open my door while putting in my sweaty key
I take a pause
1, 2, 3, 4
Before I enter so I can leave the mindset of being prey
And assume one that’s part of the pack
One that is never left astray
