Mystico’s Eerily Accurate Horoscopes: July 9, 2015


Aquarius  A fortuitous knock on the noggin will allow you to divine the precise calorie count of delicious street fair dishes. Snack wisely!

Pisces  You will discover a dark secret about a loved one while rummaging through their belongings. Ignore your ill-gotten info and reset your moral compass.

Aries  A chance encounter with a long-forgotten Christopher Cross single inspires you to take a trip you’ve longed for. Hit the seas, bold and breezy Aries. The world is your oyster!

Taurus  The image you interpret on a slice of toast (or a muffin top) allows you to temporarily guess what a close friend is thinking.

Gemini  A crassly defaced volume stumbled upon in the reference section will remind you that sometimes the right answer is the most obvious one. Go with your gut!

Cancer  The postponement of a long-awaited romantic reunion causes you to further question the high price of cheap thrills. Proceed at your own risk!

Leo  The sun, the moon, a lover’s swoon and a diva’s croon: these things are meant to be enjoyed, not controlled.

Virgo  This is a horrendous week to clean house — mental, physical, metaphorical. Let yourself go, and enjoy the ride!

Libra  Why do you fret, tizzy-prone Libra? The planets align to favor you in late July. Further drama will nix your cosmic karma.

Scorpio  A chance to reconcile with an old coworker presents itself when you run into them on the A train. Don’t forget why you hated them in the first place!

Sagittarius  Highly touted digestive aids fail to quell your discomfort, after abusing a seafood shack’s all-you-can-eat special. Curb your destructive appetites!

Capricorn  Don’t be afraid to trust in your paw-hand man, as a conversation with a furry friend will reveal a long-hidden obsession.

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