Mystico’s Eerily Accurate LGBT Horoscopes


Aquarius | A wise queen knows that broken heels, melting makeup and windswept wigs are no match for a winning smile and a defiant Pride March strut.

Pisces | Folding laundry and finding a fling on the roof deck of the Eagle: these two things can be easily accomplished in the time it takes to play the “Yentl” soundtrack.

Aries | Be careful what you wish for: One man’s right to marry is his mother’s right to demand grandchildren: Pronto!

Taurus | Like a dream date waiting under the Arch after the Dyke March, your reward will come only after you’ve made some noise while navigating a long and winding route.

Gemini |A thrill, a trick and a happy hour cocktail: these cheap things are well within your Pride weekend budget. Enjoy!

Cancer | You will awaken from an intense dream about a magical roller disco with an uncontrollable desire to mount a no-frills production of “Grease.” Do it!

Leo | Block their number or quit those public proclamations that you’re bothered by the persistent booty calls of a recent fling. Nobody believes it.

Virgo | Your comical misreading of a Pride March banner produces a spicy addition to your bag of boudoir tricks, and a trip to the ER with a special new friend.

Libra | Ignorance is bliss, unless it arrives on the next bar stool in the form of a tipsy Millennial who scoffs at your vast knowledge of MGM musicals.

Scorpio | Proud Mary, stop burning bridges and start forming alliances. A little humility brings a former friend back into the fold.

Sagittarius |Don’t let plans made next Monday fade over time, like the lavender strip painted on Fifth Ave. on the last week of June.

Capricorn |You alone possess the precise turn of phrase capable of deflecting the toxic barbs a bitter queen lobs at a vulnerable chum.

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