Mystico’s Thanksgiving Horoscopes

mysticoAquarius  Making the turkey dance during dinner prep is fun, but forcing it to twerk will forever warp your notion of an acceptable Thanksgiving tradition.

Pisces  Like cranberry sauce and Macy’s Parade clowns, certain things you have long disdained deserve a rethink.

Aries  A second slice of delicious pie is denied by your proud refusal to unbutton in public. Elastic band pants allow you to indulge.

Taurus Dreams during a post-dinner snooze reveal the perfect gift for your office Secret Santa pick.

Gemini  It is better to take a long journey on the worst travel day of the year than to sit at home watching “Planes, Trains and Automobiles.”

Cancer  The progress of pilgrim’s progeny pales in comparison to your accomplishments next Thursday — so aim high.

Leo  Slurred words during a drunken guest’s boozy toast, rearranged in a random manner, provide the answer to a close friend’s problem.

Virgo  A Black Friday shopper who catches your eye leads to a lost weekend rife with romance and bereft of regrets.

Libra  Spending Nov. 27 badmouthing open-for-business retailers is as distasteful as the practice you so gleefully condemn. Go back to your giblets!

Scorpio Three double down bets, four six packs and one crazy hunch all play a role in your enjoyment of Thanksgiving football.

Sagittarius  Reach out to a favorite relative whose advice you used to rely upon. Their no-nonsense insight proves critical to emerging unscathed from a sudden crisis.

Capricorn  A cornucopia of good luck will compensate for the bitter harvest of jealously sown seeds planted by unseen forces.

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