Ask Aunt Chelsea, Jan. 15, 2014


AuntChelsea_COLORDear Aunt Chelsea:
I am officially in Hookup Heaven! I met this incredible guy at my friend’s party on New Year’s Eve, and we had this instant connection — and it lasted all the way into 2014, if you know what I mean! The only problem is, now that it’s been two weeks since that magical night, I haven’t heard from him. And it’s just so frustrating, because I honestly feel like I’m doing everything right.

When I got home after a night at his place, I called him a few times. You know, just to check up. And then, when he didn’t call back, I swung by his building a few more times, figuring that maybe he lost his phone, or that he was busy. I couldn’t tell if he was home from where I was standing outside, so I rang his buzzer a few more times, and when that didn’t work out, I came back the next day and tried again. 

And, well, between then and now, I’ve been to back to his place eight more times. But we still haven’t gotten coffee at that great restaurant right next to his building, and we haven’t gotten a drink at that bar on the other side of his building. So I’m wondering: how can we get back to that blissful feeling of true love, so we can move in together, and adopt some cats?
Lovestruck Lisa

Dear Lovestruck:
I don’t know what sort of cuisine that “great place right next to his building” serves, but I hope for your sake they can whip up a potent batch of reality. Better yet, I’d recommend avoiding entirely the whole block that you’ve been meticulously surveying (or, more accurately, stalking).

Face facts, Lovestruck — with no contact since that “night of magic” two weeks ago, it’s time to delete his number from your phone, stop staring at his closed drapes for signs of movement and move on with your life. Not every fling has a boomerang effect that brings your handsome suitor back to home plate — and not every one night stand turns into a full bedroom set complete with nightstand, a double bed and cats curled up between the happy couple.

Now keep in mind, your old Aunt Chelsea is no prude. Although I’m pretty much retired from the dating game these days, my younger years had their share of ships that docked in the night only to part ways when the tide shifted. But I’ve always been a practical gal, so I didn’t take offense when “Mr. Last Night” didn’t put a ring on it — or, for that matter, give me a ring the next day (or the next, or the next). Morality aside, it just doesn’t seem to me that you have the emotional fortitude for the hellish side of “Hookup Heaven.”

So you’re simply going to have to spend a little more time sitting with your legs crossed, in order to avoid sitting by the phone with your fingers crossed. And by the way, some of the domestic bliss you seek can be easily had, by visiting a rescue shelter and adopting a cat of your own. Good luck, honey!

Do YOU have a problem that needs Aunt Chelsea’s special brand of wise, tough love? If so, contact her at [email protected] Every letter will be answered!

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